Aljabr

Don't let the Catfish out of the bag

2010-09-27T16:38:00.001-07:00

Catfish is the other facebook movie, the one you may not have heard of. It's a documentary about a photographer guy who meets a family on facebook and becomes interested in the older sister of a little girl who paints his photographs.

Sounds interesting enough but probably not for a movie. But, stay with it for some touching surprises and interesting insights into the current facebook generation. Check out the trailer

Didn't like the LOST finale? You don't know Jack!

2010-05-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FINALE OF LOST, YOU SHOULD STOP READING NOW.

You can let go now Jack.
Rose says this to him in the first episode of the final season as he is gripping his armrest after some turbulence. It wasn't until after the finale that I realized that she was talking about a different kind of rest than one for your arm.

Rose had arrived and was awakened. Jack had a full season to go. He and his friends have been dead all along during the sideways universe. The purpose of the flash sideways(technically a flash forward) this season was for each of the characters to: remember, let go, and move on. The needed to remember their love for each other and let go of their past sins in order to move on into the light.

They all arrived at this at different times, Jack being the last to awaken and Ben, although remembering, has decided not to move on just yet because he cannot let go of his mistakes: I have some things I still need to work out - a reference to a bible verse(work out your salvation with fear and trembling) which was the inspiration for the book Fear and Trembling that Sawyer has been caught reading during the show.

Jack, you don't have a son.
Jacks relationship with his son started off rocky but smoothed out quickly and turned into a perfect father-son relationship. A little too perfect because, in the end, it was all fabricated in Jacks mind as a means to achieving his own redemption. If he could make this relationship work, maybe the failed one with his own father wouldn't still loom over his head.

Similarly, Ben created a world that included loving the daughter he killed. Sayid fabricated a place where he can make a sacrifice to prove his love for Nadia. None of this was sufficient enough for them to find freedom from their past. Desmond realized this and started gathering them together, realizing that they needed each other in able to remember, forgive, and move on. During their lifetime, although many of them died at different points, it was their time on the island with each other that was the most significant.

Jacks journey from season one as a man of science to the series finale as a man of faith was a truly inspiring and believable character arc. It culminates in the moment when he replaces the light that Desmond unknowingly snuffed out. As Jack completes this purpose, his face is filled with such profound joy even as he knows he is dying. Jack found his purpose in sacrificing himself for his friends.

____________________________________________________

Random observations: (sorry if some of the things i share are obvious but they weren't to me.)

- The flash sideways world wasn't created by the bomb from the previous season. Nor was it a result of Smocke getting off or not getting off the island. And how did everyone die? Well, outside of Jack and previous deaths from this year and years past, probably by natural means. Hurley and Ben praise one another in making a great number one and number 2, respectively. It can be assumed that they protected the light on the island for years after what we saw.

- the reason locke could move his feet immediately after surgery is because he could always move his feet. he didn't need surgery.

- On the island, everything was real and neccesary. The light needed to be protected because if it went out, the island would be destroyed and the light that is in all men would be gone, leaving only evil.

-'vision remembering moments' is a perfect way to end because its a nice way to summarize and remember the 6 years in the lives of the characters, not the plot. thats why this has always been a show primarily about the characters.

My move towards girls and education

2010-02-08T22:56:00.000-08:00

Im posting this just for my own self to have all my thoughts in one place on the topic. Feel free to read anyway. I'd be flattered.

My current passion/calling lies in educating girls. It's ever evolving and I imagine my feelings might be redefined in some years. In fact, the current state has come as a result of about 15 years of experiences, some random, some not. I think I'll do this bullet point style

1. It started when I was 19 in 1994 when I got to know an Indian family very closely for about 5 years. India and its culture was now slightly on my radar.

2. In 1996, I decided to volunteer for Action Aids. My motivation was Jesus. I was inspired how he always moved towards the outcast. In my mind at the time, the person with AIDS was an outcast of our society.

3. In 2004, I joined Vineyard Community Church in West Philadelphia. The church has played a pivotal role in my life as I was just starting to think more and more about the poor, which is something that is on the Pastors heart.

4. In April of 2005, I traveled to India for the first time, for 10 days. My interest in India remained from earlier and increased as I started reading about the caste system and 'untouchables'. These were now the outcasts that I was choosing to seek out as I attempted to follow Jesus. While there, I didn't experience the caste system much. I did however, have an amazing opportunity to spend a day in a slum area that changed my life. It was around two girls, maybe 11 and 12, who lived in a shack. They were filled with so much joy as they gave to us even though they had nothing(according to our standards). This day made me realize that what I want to do with my life is be around children from disadvantaged or poor backgrounds. Although it can seem like a hard calling, especially since I prefer to live among the poor, the poor(not regular poor but really poor) have so much joy that being around them makes me feel like I'm with God.

5. In November of 2005, I go to a JFCI(now love146) conference which talks about sex trafficking. During this conference, I felt like God gave me a vision. This was the start of things getting more particular of focusing on not just children but girls.

6. January 2006 - Start at Temple to pursue a degree to become a teacher. I felt like being a teacher is a nice way to put myself in the midst of the stuff. I didn't realize how much a few years later I would come to believe in education as a huge factor in rescuing girls from oppression.

7. In the summer of 2006, I volunteered at a camp that works with children who have HIV/AIDS. Still bent on the outcast thing but now honing in particularly on children. My experience here affirmed to me that I am going in the right general direction.

8. In the summer of 2007, I took a SE Asian geography class. Through this class, I became aware of some of the oppression happening in India to girls and women. One class highlighted an orphanage/hospital that would take baby girls from parents who don't want them. Without this option, the girls might be killed(either through gender selective abortion or infanticide). This moved my heart as well and things were starting to connect more for me from previous experiences - children, girls, oppression, India,

9. In the fall of 2007, I moved into a community house, partly motivated by trying to live more simply and share things. It was such a benefit to my life as I was in the midst of several life changes, The community really helped shape my thoughts around this stuff but also other meaningful things such as going through a really hard breakup and also the death of my Father.

10. In December of 2007, I started researching some possible schools/orphanages in India to go to the following summer. I remember vividly looking at many of the pictures, most of which focused on the education of girls(something very much neglected in India), feeling overwhelmed and repeating the word "Fuck" in my head because I knew what I was looking at was for me and I was to go there.

11. In January of 2008, I went to a photo exhibit at Princeton University entitled Beloved Daughters The focus of this exhibit was girls and women in India who have been abused or oppressed in some way. Surrounding myself with walls of these images and stories, again I felt at home and where God wants me to be.

12. In the summer of 2008, I had the opportunity to go to India with my friend Patti to spend about 5 weeks at an orphanage. A majority of the children at the orphanage were girls, partly because of the previous mentioned neglect thing. We spent time teaching and preaching and I felt so much peace and joy there. One of the highlights of that trip was on the way back we had an opportunity to visit the slum area from when I had first went to India 3 years previous. The two girls who changed my life were there and it was such a joy to see them again.

12. In the summer of 2009, I got married to a woman who has a heart for the poor and for children. She has worked on Native American reservations and currently teaches in West Philadelphia. We are planning to go to India this summer to see some more of what God wants to show us. It's been an awesome ride and I look forward to doing these things with Megan Dougherty

During this journey , I've tried to expose myself to some resources that would continue to move my heart into this direction: These have included the films: Born into Brothers, Trade, and Holly. It has included the books: Three Cups of Tea, Banker to the Poor, and Half the Sky. Much of the data in these books talks not only about education as the key but to focus particularly on girls. There are countless reasons for this, one of which being that woman pour back into community more than men due. As a result, educating women has more of a chance of lessening the effects of poverty. More convincing arguments here in this short video

Javaflix pictures

2009-12-10T20:43:00.000-08:00

Day 8

2009-02-08T17:45:00.001-08:00

It's not too late

2009-01-26T11:03:00.000-08:00

Last night, I saw Israel Houghton and Chris Tomlin in concert.

It was a tremendous worship experience for me and I feel like God spoke to me. The consistent thing he said to me over and over again throughout the night was "It's not too late."

See, before I heard those words in my heart, as I was attempting to worship, I was troubled with my own inadequacy. Over and over again I fail in my attempts to follow God with my whole heart. It's frustrating. It makes me feel like a hypocrite. As I was dwelling on this and longing for God, he met with those words - It's not too late. You can come back to me. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. Follow me again, over and over. I will help you. I wanna be with you. Here, let me show you what I have for you.

Thank you Jesus. I'm ready to follow you again. Where we going?

last nights dream

2009-01-12T15:26:00.000-08:00

Last night I dreamt of India. In it, I was at the orphanage again, on the road trying to take a picture of a beautiful sunset.
The sky was red with shapes and when I attempted to take the shot, I noticed my camera weighed about one battery less than it usually does. As I started to search for the missing part, rockets started landing in the field in front of me. They were being shot at me from the kids at the orphanage. They didn't realize it was me.

Fortunately, these rockets had no explosive dynamic. If there were going to do any real damage, they would have to hit the victim directly or trap him under one. Because of the distance, I was able to see where the rockets were going to land and move accordingly. It was more discouraging than dangerous as I continued to attempt to find my camera battery.

It reminded me of how much beauty can be in the midst of danger. How suffering often coexists with joy. I think as I was spending time looking for my camera battery, I was missing out on the slowly descending sunset. Rockets had to come so I can redirect my focus on what's really important.

the george quiz

2008-08-28T00:59:00.001-07:00

george

My India

2008-08-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

I think it's a little ironic that my last post had a picture of a dude teaching in India, in an ideal setting for me. I saw that picture and longed to be in that setting. This past July, I had an opportunity to be in that setting. I am thankful to God for the opportunity and I'm excited about more to come.

I will post more thoughts soon. I plan to get back into blogging. Hope you all come back and read.

2007-12-20T23:10:00.000-08:00

Apologies

2007-11-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I don't always think about how my actions or words effect another. Also, I often don't know which effect(affect) to use in a sentence.

I tend to hurt those closest to me. With my last two blog entries, I wasn't thinking of my girlfriend Jen. She is very important to me and has been for the last few years.

With the blog entry about my exfiance, I didn't mean to use such extreme language when I talked about what she meant to me. I can express my congratulations to her without reflecting on my past. I am sorry about that.

As for the other entry, I talk about the idea of "home" with my new community. And its true. What I sometimes fail to mention is that Jen has meant that to me as well. I can be out in the world, doing different things, failing or succeeding, in pain or happiness, and I can always come back to her at the end of it and feel loved. For me, home with Jen means a place I can come back to. My favorite show growing up was "Cheers". It was about a bar where "everyone knows your name." I feel that way with Jen. That she knows my name and is happy that I'm around. It's a really nice feeling to be able to come home to that.

So I'm sorry Jen, for not always talking about you like I should, or thinking about you in ways that you deserve. I want you to have a bigger place in my life. I'm really happy you're in it.

g.

Ex-Fiance has baby

2007-11-22T20:29:00.000-08:00

Title says it all. My exfiance had a baby. About 4 years ago, I was engaged. Sufficient to say, it didn't work out. The reason I am posting about it however it because of how excited I am! True that I loved her very much. True it was a big heartbreak in my life. But it is the devil that would wish that I focus on that. And it is God that makes me see and and feel and appreciate the joy that is happening in her life right now. And for that, I am forever grateful.
Congratulations Jess. I couldn't be happier for you.

Communion

2007-11-16T14:23:00.000-08:00

If you put yourself in different situations, you can learn about yourself based on how you respond and how you feel in those situations. Not all of life is about adapting and conforming. A good chunk of it can be simply finding where you feel at home. This feeling of home can have other feelings tied into it. Words like rest, peace, comfort,and security are all very familiar ideas around the feeling of home. I think a new thing I'm learning in identifying home is that it also incorporates the idea of moving us along in our journey to become who we are.

As a christian, I believe God wishes for me to become more and more like Christ. This process is called sanctification and will ultimately be completed in the life after. Often people refer to death with the euphemism of "going home". What they mean is they've simply become who they've been attempting to become all these years. They've arrived.

If our ultimate end is to become more and more like Christ, and the idea of coming home represents when that happens, then home on earth should represent a place where we can become more like Christ.

A place I feel at home is 1633 Diamond Street. I moved in here 3 months ago. I am finding my home in these other people I live with. Seven others. Often it is imagined to find who we are, we need to go away to a solitary place and do some thinking, praying, meditating. That is certainly an neccesary element. However, often discounted is how we can find ourselves in the midst of a life-giving community. We not only want to know what we are like alone but what we are like around others. Our personalities can be multifaceted and can be brought out by different events and surroundings.
Which brings me back to my first point. Who I am is being brought out by surrounding myself with people and situations that best suit who I am made to be. The neat thing about it is how God uses how other people are made to be in ways that can help me become who I am. And I hope and pray for vice versa.

cheers.

stream of consciousness

2007-09-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

i am imagine a journey, across ice that is sitting on the warm places. as it melts it brings wet dust that i can glide through.

there is no room here for two of us. the only amount that can fit is one billion. as i look to the left and the right, i wonder if that is the north and the south. i climb up stairs that do not exist to a mountain top where i can only look up. my eyes feel restricted by the shape of my face. if they were on the outside of my skull as opposed to in the holes of it, i might get some things done around here, starting with the carpet.

if carpet grew like grass, we would never had to clean it, only cut. you can save some money by washing your hair before you go to the cuttery. nobody washes their grass anymore. its so dirty that it grows in dirt. i don't understand why lite bright is only for kids. thats so stupid. it should be for everyone. i think my dog would have a fantastic time with it, although i think he would end up using it as a nite lite.

this week i've dreamt of roaches and rats and they were both on our side.

Thirtysomething, again

2007-09-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what sustains us? What brings us back to getting out of bed again? And what are the forces at work that are against us? That want us to give up? I imagine the thing that would want to destroy our row boat has scales all over its body and hair in wrong places. The thing that would bring us stars is fluffy and warming, like a heated pillow.

We need to find ways to give life to the good things and death to the bad things. What gives life? I think we would need sunlight, some rain, and good soil. For death, I think we need cold. Maybe we could put death in the freezer and turn that lever thing in the back to coldest. Number 5. It is certainly strong enough to kill ice cream. At the very least, it would take a long time to thaw out. And even then it is never as good as it once was.

Life seems to need more than one element to survive. Oxygen. Water. Water has more than one element. I think it has two. Even for this planet to work all sorts of things need to work together. I am afraid for the bees. I used to be afraid of bees. Scientists tell us that bees are dying at rapid rates and we need them for pollination purposes.

So things have to work together for life to be sustained. And other elements like winter come in and try to destroy what life is doing. When winter comes, we have to dress for it. We have to change the order of things we do. Trick winter. We get heated blankets and big jackets and then it starts to feel warm like summer.

When difficult death bringing circumstances come, we have to make them look like summer. We have to clothe ourselves with the things that are life-giving, in the midst of our winter. The winter might still be there, but it wont matter. We will be armed and ready.

I'm glad its still summer and fall is coming. It gives me some time to practice.

Unfit

2007-07-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

My brother through a fit because there was not enough beer in the house. He woke up my Mom. He made her go out at 1am in the morning and get him more beer. My mom is 61. My brother is 33. The world is not right.

Black Snake Moan

2007-06-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

Samuel L. Jackson finds Christina Ricci passed out on the side of the road in her underwear. He takes her in and makes her his project to restore her physically and spiritually. He finds out that she is addicted to sex. He then proceeds to chain her to his house until she is cured of the sickness.

Interesting premise. It certainly has the potential to be dark and sadistic. However, because the film is more about the salvation of both souls as opposed to just Christina's, we see that they both need each other and God to be forgiven for their past mistakes.

If you watch the trailer, you'll see it emphasizes Christina chained up. The truth is, out of the hour and 45 minutes of the movie, she is probably chained for 30 minutes of it. Still certainly a long and disturbing time, but it is not primarily what the movie is about.

It is about how we can become concerned with saving the soul of another that we neglect are own. It is about how when we do become concerned about another, we save ourselves. It is about how God chooses to give us life to the full now as opposed to just some distant wonderland we cannot comprehend. It is about how we all need a father. It is about unconditional love.

All of this happens in the context of the blues of the south. Good music.

It is a difficult movie to watch. If the graphic sex scenes don't get you, the woman chained to the radiator will. However, each decision has consequences and is grounded in reality. As unrealistic as some of these scenes might be, it's not a fantasy. There is a reason why Christina is a nymphomaniac. There are reasons why Samuel chains her to his radiator. Bad reasons but reasons that have to do more with his own sin than hers. Throughout the whole film he is a father to her. Sometimes he is a bad father like when he chains her up. Other times he gives her the comfort of his voice when she is most scared.

Kudos to everyone involved for taking on such a bold, controversial, and ultimately uplifting project.

Evil Exists

2007-04-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

"He had a smile on his face but there was no emotion in his eyes."

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. In light of that, the above quote, from a Virginia Tech student referring to the killer, makes perfect sense.

As of last year, I have become a college student. Of course there is universal heartbreak at this tragedy but I feel a special comradery as a fellow college student.I do not however feel any extra pain than you do. That's what makes us all human. It is part of what defines our soul.

I do not believe the killer had a soul. Or, if he did have one, it was temporarily shut down. I do not believe it is possible to have a soul and do the things he did.

Augustine, one of the most influential early Christian thinkers, described the soul as "a special substance, endowed with reason, adapted to rule the body".

There was certainly nothing special or reasonable about the killer's actions.

The Catholic Church defines the soul as "the innermost aspect of man, that which is of greatest value in him, that by which he is most especially in God's image: 'soul' signifies the spiritual principle in man."

The Bahá'í Faith affirm that "the soul is a sign of God, a heavenly gem whose reality the most learned of men hath failed to grasp, and whose mystery no mind, however acute, can ever hope to unravel.

Bahá'u'lláh(the Muhammad or Jesus of the Bahai faith) explained:

"Know thou that the soul of man is exalted above, and is independent of all infirmities of body or mind. That a sick person showeth signs of weakness is due to the hindrances that interpose themselves between his soul and his body."

The sickness that came between the killer's body and soul was the sickness of evil. I know that word "evil" is not politically correct today. We hesitate to call someone evil. We look to other sources as to who made someone the way they were. We look at his upbringing, how people treated him, etc. But whatever your rationale or belief system, you cannot deny that what happened at Virginia Tech was an act of evil. And I argue that this act of evil was done by a man who did not have a soul.

Evil is sometimes describe as the absence of good. When there is no presence of good, the void that remains is evil.

Evil exists in this world. Maybe it exists because there is not enough good. The Hindu faith describes our souls as a combination of "truth, consciousness, and bliss". The best of all our religions aspire to do good within the innermost parts of us. The definitions of soul across all faiths are universally positive. Today our souls are activated by our common compassion for Virginia Tech. Whether you feel outrage or sadness, compassion or anger, know that what you feel is the sign of the good that is within you.

Laos

2007-04-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

My next destination. Nothing planned yet but it's coming. I feel it.

Bringing Sexy Back

2007-03-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight, because of my really good and now better friend Rachael, I'm going to a Justin Timberlake concert. Why do I have the feeling that this will be one of the best shows I've ever been to?

Review to follow.

Update on my Life

2007-03-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

These are random changes or things that have been on my heart lately.

1. I moved back in with Mom and Bro.
- since my Dad died last month, it seemed like a good idea to be with family for a while and support each other.

2. Changed major from Secondary Ed Math to Elementary Ed.
- decided I prefer to work with kids between the ages of 11-13. After I graduate, I plan to seek certification to teach middle school Math

3. Tutoring
- My first real teaching experience. I've been tutoring a ninth grade girl in Algebra. It's been so much fun. I think I might feel more responsible for the results on her tests then she does. :)

4. Childrens Church
- I started teaching kids at church and I'm having a blast!

5. Pool
- Our pool team has the major once a year tournament coming up in May. I'm excited about that and I need to start preparing.

6. Javaflix
- Javaflix is a movie discussion group I do. It's been a lot of fun lately because we've had so many new people checking it out and coming back!

That's all really.

Our Need for Grace

2007-03-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

Our Need for Grace

What I wrote below refers to a news story from 5 months ago.

How are we to know how to feel about 10 amish girls being shot, 5 of them being killed?

There seems to two broad categories one can fall into from a spiritual/christian perspective:

1. God is good and he has a plan. We must trust that even when we don't understand everything.

2. How could a good, loving, and all powerful God allow such an abominable thing to happen?

Honestly, I often find myself falling into the second category. My church prayed for schools before this tragedy. Before the Amish event, there have been a rash of school shootings. Every week our church takes a few minutes to pray. This week we decided to pray for shools. It feels sickly ironic that something like this happens after we prayed to a loving God about protecting our children.

The option of #1 that I hear from many christians feels fake. Who are we fooling? Is it comforting to believe that we have a good God no matter what? Does it somehow ease our insecure souls to think that God can do no wrong?

What I've been experiencing the past couple days makes me believe there is a 3rd option. What has been the reaction of the Amish community after having 10 young girls shot? Forgiveness. Grace. By grace I don't mean the cheap counterfeit version we often use: "I will be nice to you even though you're late because well, I'm gracious." Or, "It's ok that you lied to me. I forgive you(just don't do it again)."

Examples of Grace:

-A 13-year-old Amish girl killed by the gunman in the Lancaster County schoolhouse reportedly asked to be shot first in an attempt to buy time for the younger students.

-At a time when money has been pouring in for people supporting the Amish, they are asking for it to be redirected to the killers' family. They say that his wife and the people close to the killer are suffering more than they are.

-The grandfather of one of the girls was interviewed during the funeral:

"Is there anger towards the gunman's family?" asked a reporter.

"No," said the grandfather.

"Have you forgiven?"

"In my heart, yes."

"How is that possible?"

"Through God's help."

So when you're letting someone slide for cutting you off in traffic, don't call it grace. You're being nice yes I'll give you that but grace is radical. It goes against all of our deepest instincts.

After getting past my intial reactions and shock, I am able to see this third option as a possible reaction. The trite christian rhetoric of the first response doesn't fit. The hopeless of the second doesn't feel fitting either. The amish response brings a 3rd option, rising above the other two. A midwife, who delivered two of the victims, said it best:

"A battle between God and the devil had taken place in that classroom - and God won."

Javaflix

2007-02-19T14:35:00.001-08:00

Javaflix is a monthly movie discussion group. Check out the blog here

And death shall have no dominion

2007-02-15T14:29:00.000-08:00

Coming face to face with death for the first time in my life, I noticed a couple things.

Whether or not you believe in a soul, heaven, or God, there is something that goes missing as soon as a person dies. The body is a shell, a holding case, for something, someone. The thing that was in there is gone. The shell is dead. But where does the thing that was in there go? What evidence do we have that it has died as well? There was a presence there and that presence is now gone.

Now I know, the doctors, logicians, and scientists will say to me that because the heart stopped and the body died, the thing that was acting within that body can no longer act. Ok I can agree with that. But I don't believe that the thing(I'll call it soul for now), I don't believe the soul is something that is operating only on the operations of the physical shell, ie - the brain, heart, and all the other variables.

Maybe that's it. Maybe all they are are variables. But the constant is the soul. The constant is of course effected by what the variable is and how they behave. But there is a certain amount of independence, of fight, in the soul. Which leads me to my next observation.

There is an instinct to rail against death. The people around the dying person and the person themselves do all they can to not die. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But my point is that there is something inside of us that goes against what the body is doing when the body is sick.

Some say that death is a natural outcome of life. Well then why does it feel so unnatural, so wrong? Why does it hurt so much? Why is immortality so attractive? I think it's because death isn't the way things were meant to be. That when someone dies we recognize how broken things are. But in order for something to be broken, there has to have been somethingthat was right at one time right? The fact that everything sometimes feels broken gives me hope that somewhere out there is wholeness.

Getting to know my Dad

2007-02-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

Joseph M. Dougherty (March 18th, 1938 - February 7th, 2007)

Some of my earliest memories.

There would be a chair that he would sit in every night and watch tv. He would drink his beer and watch tv. He made up a game. Who could get him his next beer faster, me or my brother? He would time us. We would have to run out to the kitchen, throughout the done can out, and bring him a new beer. We loved this game and the competition. It wasn't until many years later that I realized that it was his clever way of getting his beer as fast as possible. Smart man.
I also remember we would slap hands before going to bed. It wasn't exactly a high five. His hand would be at his lap palm up. I would raise my hand and slap his and then turn mine over so he could slap mine. And then off to bed.

Saying goodnight was something he always made sure he did, even up until his last days. A few weeks ago, I was half asleep on my parents couch. My brother was upstairs in his room with the music blasting. Before my dad went to bed, I could hear him knock on Joes door and say goodnight. Joe couldn't hear him because of the music. My dad did this a few times in his half delirious state: "Joe,(knock knock knock), Goodnight. Joe,(knock knock knock), Goodnight." Then my mom chimes in from her bed down the hall: "Hon, just come to bed. Don't worry about it"

Dad: Huh
Mom: Just come to bed
Dad: (knock knock) Joe
Dad: Joe
Mom: Dont worry about it.
Dad: Huh?Dad: (knock knock)
Mom: c'mon. Dont bother.
Dad: What?
Mom: Come to bed
Dad: Huh?
Dad: Joe. Joe. (knock knock)
Mom: Hon.
Dad: Joe. Goodnight.(knock knock)
Mom: come to bed.
Dad: Huh?
Dad (knock knock)
Joe: Yeah?
Dad: Goodnight.
Joe: alright.

This when on like this for longer than I recorded above. It was hilarious. But my dad accomplished his mission. Something he's been doing since we were little, saying goodnight to his two sons.

I remember deep sea fishing. I was upset because he and my bro used to go. Dad said I was too young. When I was finally old enough, I noticed kids on the boat who were younger than me. Tricked me again. It didn't matter. Fishing with my Dad are some of my sweetest memories. He was always spending more time untangling our lines than worrying about his own rod.

Sports. My dad was always involved with our lives. In little league baseball, he became a coach. When playing street football with friends, he was the steady quarterback. I distinctly remember the moment he was unable to do it. I guess he was getting old but it seemed like his gut was sticking too far out, preventing him from getting good follow through on the football.

Pool is one of my passions. My dad was my first teacher. Since I was 15, we played together. When I turned 21, we all joined a pool team. He was on it with us for 10 years.
Thinking back, he didn't do all this stuff because he was bored. He would have been content sitting on his chair watching tv. But he did all this stuff because he wanted to be as involved with me and my bro as he could.

I was raised catholic. I remember the day I told my dad I was no longer catholic. He took it hard but got used to the idea. In fact, one day I invited my parents to my new church and they came. My dad didn't want to come. He even said afterwards that it wasn't something he liked. So why did he come? Because he knew it was important to me.

Now I know I'm making my dad sound perfect. I'm only saying the good stuff. But he just died so that's ok. And in fact, there isn't much bad. We didn't see eye to eye on alot of things. But in those moments, he didn't reject me. He just thought I was strange.

Some of my friends that knew him well are deeply affected by his death. I think that says alot about him. Even a few friends of mine who only knew him casually have said passing comments like " I liked your dad." He made that kind of impression. He was likeable.

Not only was he a good father, but apparently he was a good husband as well. :)My bro, mom, and I spent a good deal of time the last week in the hospital. The last two days, before my dad officially died, he was brain dead.
During that time, my mom kept saying to him over and over again:"I love you so much. You are the best husband in the world. You know that. I love you. You are the best."
It seems like alot to ask but I wish for that more than anything: To be on my deathbed and my wife to say to me: You're the best ever.

He had a mug that says "Best Dad Ever." It was something from Joe and I but I'm sure my Mom bought it for us to give to him. I'm glad she found that mug. I'm sure it was tough. There can be only one right?

The Art of Pointing and Baseball

2006-09-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

The Phillies are in a playoff race. With just 4 games to go, every game counts. They have fought their way back when everyone thought they were out of it halfway through the season.
After fighting back so hard, they almost let it slip away last night. Against one of the worst teams in the league, they found themselves trailing 4-1. They came back to take the lead 5-4 in the 9th and brought in their closer. He struggled. He ended up walking in the tying run. We're going to extra innnings. Thankfully, the Phillies scored a run in the top half of the 10th. Another chance to close out the game. Unfortunately, after a couple of errors, the other team ties it up again. A couple more scoreless innings brings ourselves into the 14th inning. The phillies have runners on 1st and 3rd with no one out. A golden opportunity! First batter: Ground out. Runner doesn't score. Next batter: Groundball, runner thrown out at home. Two outs. The phillies dugout appears dejected. We see a shot of their heads lowered over the railing. Next batter: Jimmy Rollins.

Interlude

Jerry Maguire is a movie about what happens when men bond. Jerry is a sports agent to a superstar football player Rod Tidwell. Over the course of events, they end up becoming each others best friends and with that, dependent on each other. Rod struggles feeling accepted by his team and doesn't play as well as he should. Fast forward to the biggest game of his life. It's monday night football and he is playing like a superstar. Towards the end he gets hit and lays unconscience. Suddenly the money and acceptance by his teammates doesn't appear as important. His family and his friends become priority. After along delay, he gets up unharmed and ecstatic. He just ended the biggest moment of his life.

Afterwards in the locker room, with all the reporters in his face, he looks for the one man who has stood by him through it all. With tears in his eyes, he locates Jerry. He points at him, acknowledging he couldn't be there if it wasn't for him. Jerry tearfully points back, acknowledging it's all you Rod. You are the man!

Back to Jimmy Rollins and his dejected teammates. Top of the 14th inning. 5 hours after the start of the game. With two outs and hope for the playoffs diminishing, he steps into the batters box. First pitch he lines over the head of the first baseman. It's going all the way to the corner. Two runs score! Jimmy goes into third base with a triple. As he settles on 3rd, you see him rise up and point but you don't know what he is pointing to. We then see that his pointing was a response. His teammates are standing on the edge of the dugout cheering and pointing at him, saying "You are the man". Jimmy was pointing back saying "I couldn't do it without you."

Birthday Requests

2006-08-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

My 31st birthday will be Septmeber 11th. Unlike the pomp and circumstance surrounding my 30th birthday, this one has quietly snuck up on me. And I venture to say that a 31st birthday is sadder than a 30th, if you think age matters (which I don't, or do I?)
See, when you're turning 30, thats's just it. You are turning 30. You have yet to be 30 for more than a day. But now, I've been 30 for a year. I am a man in his thirties, no longer 30. Shit. Ok enough of that, here's what I want.

Friends. I love my friends and if you think thats's you, you're right. Dinner and a movie would be lovely. And I would prefer to treat you, but probably wont. I think dinner and a movie is a wonderful combo. See, talking over food is a nice community bonding experience. The same with a movie. You know what I don't like. Those chicks in the personal ads, you know them. The ones who describe their ideal first date as 'anything but a movie because we can't get to know each other'. Baby, I can get to know you through a movie. We can talk about it afterwards and I can see what you responded to and in what way. I'd much rather watch a movie like Crash with you and hear your views on humanity rather than hear about how many boyfriends you have had.

Anyway, my baby wont be at dinner and a movie with me for two reasons. 1. I don't have a baby 2. I want you all there.

Where can we eat? How bout here http://freegan.info/

And I would love to see the movie The Science of Sleep http://youtube.com/watch?v=Fkf-7Z3EdG4

Lady in the Water - A Story about Healing

2006-07-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

Our own healing comes when we offer healing to others
Community is essential in helping discover who we are
Our purpose is bigger than we can imagine for ourselves
We can be used even when we feel useless

These are a few of the messages that comes out in beautiful and strong ways in Lady in the Water. Like most M. Night Shyamalan films, this movie isn't about what it seems. It isn't about the chick in the pool. This is the story of a broken man in need of salvation, told in beautiful imagery with humor and heart.

The Future's Past

2006-07-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

How have the decisions I've made in the past affected who I am and what will happen in the future? By decisions I mean mistakes and also just choices I've made where I was making an honest attempt at doing the right thing. Did I mess things up?
As a christian, I am told not to worry. God is in control. He can fix things and forgive blah blah blah. But I am given free will and I have made some choices with that blessed gift that has changed my life and the lives of others, dramatically, for perhaps the next 50 years.
Am I to believe that there are alternative paths for my life that as I bungle things up, a new path is created?

I feel more in control than I want to be. I know some people struggle with control issues but not me. I don't want anything to do with it but the fact remains that I have controlled some things.

And the scary and tragic part about it all is that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm all out of control.

Happy 4th of July? An Honest Question

2006-07-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

I ask this as someone struggling not to sound pretentious but also not wanting to give in to what might not be right. I read this from a random website after googling "4th of july fireworks":

The ''bursting in air" of July 4th is an implicit glorification of war. On the day after, can we think of those combat survivors who will carry the real cost of the Iraqi war in their bodies forever? And how can we think of those American daughters and sons without thinking of their even more numerous Iraqi sisters and brothers?

Fireworks are pretty. Celebrations are awesome. I love my country but I hate war. Can I go to the fireworks show please?

Day 8 Dvd Cover art released...

2006-07-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

Why Buffy is Buffy

2006-06-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

She has supernatural powers to destroy demons and vampires. She is chosen. She has senses regular folk don't have, able to sense an evils motives and whereabouts. But that is not why she is strong. It is her heart and courage.

Season 7. Biggest evil ever approaching. Buffy starts to form an army ala Lord of the rings to take on the evil. She and they are losing. After she gets her ass kicked by an uber-vamp, her people aren't feeling so great and neither is she. These are her next words, as she can barely talk and stand:

(note - "the first" symbolized the original evil, before evil things were")

"I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. We can't run, can't hide, can't pretend it's not the end, 'cause it is. Something's always been there to try and destroy the world. We've beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First. . . . I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? We'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?

Movie Review Update

2006-06-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

Bombshell (C-) Supposed classic screwball comedy from the 30's that is neither funny or entertaining.

Entertaining Angels (B-) Uplifting, Inspiring, and mediocre telling of the story of Dorothy Day, who started the catholic worker movement. Martin Sheen provides a much needed boost of energy, comedy, and emotion halfway thru the picture.

The New World (A+) Perhaps the most overlooked movie of last year. Beautiful in so many ways. Not your typical hollywood storytelling may frustrate some viewers and impress others.

Something New (F) One of the worst films I've ever seen. Tackles an important subject with nothing new to say and nothing worthy of caring for any of the characters and its attempts at humor fail at every turn. Awful.

Water (B) Strong start and powerful ending but a slow middle where nothing much happens hurts this film. Could have been more impactful with more editing.

Lost Season 2 (B+) Strong season with continued phenominal characters and twists, although season one had more heart.

Daredevil (Directors Cut) (A) A totally different film than the one released in theatres. Case of the studio putting the straps on an inexperienced writer/director.

Brokeback Mountain (B) Engaging and heartbreaking story of families torn apart by adultery

Ushpizin (B) Jewish religious tale told with heart and humor. Nice little movie.

The Battle

2006-05-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

We were playing for a chance to advance to the final round to go to vegas.
It had been easy up until this point. We had breezed through our competition. It felt too easy. When it became apparent that I would be playing Kenny Baker, my old time rival from 5 years ago, I knew it wouldn't be easy and I knew it shouldn't happen any other way.

I play on a pool team and we were in the 5th match of a tournament with each side having two wins. The final match would be between Baker and I. We would each need to win 5 games to advance our teams to the vegas match.

Game 1
We bothed played defensive for the most part and when I saw an opportunity to run out, I took it and switched from playing defensive to offensive.

george 1
kenny 0

Game 2
I had run down to just having one ball left before the eight and I choked, missing an easy shot. He ran out from there.

george 1
kenny 1

Game 3
The opposite of game 2. Kenny had the game and screwed up a shot late in the match giving me a chance to win.

george 2
kenny 1

Game 4
I break and don't make anything. Kenny runs out from there.

george 2
kenny 2

Before game 5, I notice the audience starts to grow. Kenny has been a premiere player in the league for a long time and I've made a small name for myself as well. People know who we are and were wondering who would come out on top. I knew it would be alot of pressure so I told myself during the match that I was on tv. It helped me have fun and play better and not feel the pressure of the match. It made me smile at times to be a part of the match.

Game 5
I win. I don't think I made any mistakes in this game.

george 3
kenny 2

Game 6
Kenny is flawless, unbeatable.

george 3
kenny 3

Game 7
I don't remember much about this game. I remember lining up on a shot before the 8 ball and thinking, wow, if I make these two balls, I'll be one game away from beating Kenny and he still will need 2. I immediately remove the thought from my mind because the longer it lingers, the more the anxiety builds. I make the two balls.

george 4
kenny 3

At this point I felt like Rocky Balboa, late in any of his fights. They would both be tired and Rocky would get hit, and then get hit back. Rocky would get hit, and then hit back, and so on.

Game 8
I was in control. I had a chance at a 6 ball runout. In the middle of it, I call a timeout. I needed garys advice on playing position for the 8 ball. We agreed and I made the shot but the cue ball didn't go where I thought it would. This left a difficult shot on the 8. I needed to bank it all the way down table. Lucky for me though, I knew if I missed, it would leave the cueball in a tough spot for his remaining ball.
I miss the shot but like I thought, leave him tough on his shot. He plays a defensive shot(doesn't try to make his ball but leave me in a tough spot). He hits it perfect and leaves the cueball in the mouth of the corner pocket, leaving me only a bank shot on the 8 cross sides. It was a tricky angle. If I would hit it normally, the cue ball would have come across the front of the 8 as its coming off the rail and caused interference in the 8 coming to the opposite side. But, if I hit it hard enough, the cushion would absorb the 8 ball, which cuts down the angle coming off the rail, which changes the spot where I hit the 8 ball, which all means that now the cue ball will not get in the way as the 8 heads towards its home.
I knew what I had to do. I stepped back and looked at the shot. I felt a smile creep on my face, not because I thought I would win, but because I was having so much fun. I leaned down, slammed the 8 ball into the rail, cue ball gets out of the way and the 8 finds its home on the other side.

final
george 5
kenny 3

With that win, we had made it to the final round, where we would be playing for $4000 and a trip to vegas for a chance to compete out there for $25,000.

It was a good morning.

The end.

ps - we lost the next match and we don't get to go vegas. Reminds me of Das Boot.

David Blaine's Truth

2006-05-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

Recently magician David Blaine tried to set a world record by holding his breath underwater for 9 minutes. Leading up to it, he was underwater for seven days, breathing thru a mask. He didn't make the 9 minutes. He barely made 7. I think it's better that way. He's more believable by failing.

You might have seen the special or heard of his previous stunts and think the guy is insane. Perhaps he is, I don't know. But he has something I admire: A passionate pursuit of truth.

“I think pain is easiest to avoid by filling the days with distractions - I wish to remove everything to search for a truth" - david blaine.

He was crying as he thanked his supporters in new york and around the world. His body was broken and his spirit was vulnerable and emotional. I think there is beauty in suffering that is often camouflaged by our make-believe securities.

Whats the point of such publicity stunts? After being buried alive in 1999, David describes one of them:

"What I saw was every race of people, every age group, and every religion all gathered together smiling; and that made all of this worth it."

Not a bad worldview.

Dreaming of the ex's...

2006-05-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

3 consecutive nights. 3 seperate dreams each involving a a different ex girlfriend. I am fresh off of the latest from last night which had me dreaming of my ex fiance.

In the dream, we had arranged to meet. Just like in real life, it had been over 3 years since we had seen each other or even talked on the phone. I arrive a couple minutes early and she had just gotten out of the shower and she is in a white towel. Her hair is a lighter brown than it was before. Although I didn't recognize her at first, she recognizes me immediately and lets out a "Oh my god!". Her reaction was due to her underestimating what it would be like to see each other. I told her I would go to the bathroom and freshen up while she got ready. Really I was just given her time to digest everything.

When she came out, she was calmer. We sat and talked about her two cats, which were on the kitchen table as we talked. One was small one was big. The big one fell off the kitchen table and for the first time in my life, I witnessed a cat unable to land on its feet upon falling. It fell flat on its side. Poor thing.

I wonder how much different my dreams would be if I was able to pick them. I kind of like the element of surprise.

Weird Dream

2006-05-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

We were on a plane. My friend vernon was sitting next to me. Shortly after takeoff, we started our decent. The plane was crashing and we were headed for an ocean. We hit the ocean and the plane bounced off it and kept moving forward in the air until it bounced off the ocean again. As this continued to happen, Vernon and I noticed an island of sorts to our left. It wasn't and Island similar to Gilligans but more like an island that would be in the middle of the rood, except this one had grass on it. Continuing our bouying, as we were in the air, Vernon and I leaned forward and angled our bodies to the left. We were still sitting down but we didn't want to drown and by forcing the momentum of the plane to the left, we would safely land of the grassy surface. And it worked! The plane propelled forward but our bodies forced it to veer to the left onto the grassy surface where it became stationary. We high fived each other! We saved everyone's lives. Good job Vern.

United 93 - a review

2006-04-29T10:53:00.000-07:00

Silence
Entering the packed theatre last night, we all came from different places. Some of us came individually, as friends, families, but we were all strangers to each other. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into.

A similar experience happened as the passengers boarded the fateful flight 93. These were ordinary people who were about to experience something extraordinary.

I have never been in a theatre so quiet after a film ended. As the credits rolled, people were still not talking to each other as they quietly walked to the exits. Moments of silence are symbolic of respect and remembering. Perhaps that's what was happening to us but more likely we just didn't know what to say.

Why see this movie? Why make it? What purpose does it serve? I'm not quite sure yet.

United
I don't think it's a happenstance that Greengrass decided to call the movie "United 93". It has little to do with the airline company and everything to do with the passengers and crew of that flight number. They came from different places. They were different sexes, colors, and had different beliefs and lifestyles. The circumstances put them in a situation where they were united. United not against something but for something, for life.

It's true that the movie only makes it's best guess at what might have happened on that plane. But there are certain things we do know. We do know the passengers were aware of the world trade center crashes. We do know there was some kind of struggle. And we do know that these strangers needed to be united in a struggle to save their own lives or the very least the lives of those in the building the plane might crash into.

Of the 4 planes hijacked that day, United 93 was the only one that did not reach it's intended target. As we realize we are no different than our neighbor, it can compell us to do great things. It compels us to see them as equal and unite together to love other people who are in every way equal to us.

So what's the purpose of this film? For one, it serves as a memorial, in the same way a wall at Washington might for people who have lost their lives. And also it is important to remember how we can be united as one country and one people. Remember how we all came together, despite all of our differences, after the attacks? It seemed to last only a couple months but it was a glimpse of what could be if we all stood together for life.

Stories of being judgmental, part 1

2006-04-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

1. Yesterday I was waiting in line outside for an italian ice and I was becoming annoyed with the dude serving the customer before me. He gave her samples of every flavor and took his sweet little time, macking on her. He didn't even look at me. Then, it was my turn and he gave me the same treatment: samples of all the flavors and undivided attention.

2. Walking around West Philly at night, an older black man comes up to me and asks me for a dollar for the subway. I told him I didn't have it. Not 10 minutes later a younger white girl asks me for the same thing. I didn't hesitate giving her the $1.00

United 93

2006-04-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

United 93 is a film set to come out at the end of the month based on the September 11th attacks. Although this isn't the first film to depict something from that day, it is the biggest and widest release. Previous films The Guys and 11-9-01 were independent films that played only in select cities. United 93 is backed by a major studio.

It has caused some controversy. People are saying it's too soon and it's exploitative and sensational and just like hollywood.

I would challenge anyone who thinks like that to not dismiss certain movies as "hollywood". Hollywood, believe it or not, is filled with thoughtful and talented filmmakers.

Paul Greengrass, writer and director of United 93, is one of them.

His most popular film is The Bourne Supremacy but I encourage you to check out before dismissing United 93 is Bloody Sunday, which concerns the Irish civil rights protest march and subsequent massacre by British troops in 1972.

In his own words concerning the controversy:

"There are all sorts of reasons why we like to tell stories to tell each other. But one of the things we do is tell stories about the way the world is. I believe in a movie industry that operates across the board – it makes all sorts of different types of films. Including films about the big stuff facing us. Hollywood has always done that, throughout it’s history. It’s always done that, as well as all the other things. And it will have to grapple with 9/11 because it’s the single most important event that’s occurred in our lifetime...... 9/11, no matter where you are on the political spectrum, changed our world. It forced us to confront the way our world is going, and it presented us with some hard choices. That’s what a film needs to do, help us understand some of those things, but also of course take us to the heart of the human stories."

Vision

2006-04-06T14:05:00.000-07:00

I was laying on the sidewalk in SE Asia in a fetal position. My stomach was tearing up inside and I was in pain. I was crying and vomiting and praying. Girls, children I love, are being abused sexually and sold into prostitution. They are 9 years old, 11 years old and I love them and I'm called to suffer alongside them.

The next day I am teaching these same girls. The most important thing in teaching is showing the students who I am and giving them the freedom to express who they are as they get to know themselves. This can only result in comedy and there is much joy and laughter.

That was my vision.

They say that laughter and tears come from the same part of your brain. I think it's my favorite part.

We, and by 'we' I mean human beings, we are called to hate injustice and to fight against it. I think there are two ways to do that:
1. To fight the system and protect the innocent by limiting the abusers.
2. To love the oppressed and abused.

I feel called to #2

I am going to start taking steps to prepare for possible working with http://jfci.org/ From their website, "Justice for Children International works toward the abolition of child sex trafficking and exploitation through advocacy, prevention and aftercare".

God has been answering my prayers in weird ways. I prayed on saturday afternoon for the strength to serve him and others on my own(without the need for a partner). His answer wasn't an extra boost of faith or courage but I vision that I could take hold of and run with.

I have spent the last few months seeking things I didn't need to seek. I was trying to supplement my weakness.

I post this for two reasons. One because this is what's going on in my heart and I want to share it. And two so that those who read this and know me will hold me to this conviction.

Love the sin hate the sinner

2006-03-17T07:06:00.000-08:00

The above title is probably just as effective as our montra of "love the sinner, hate the sin". I never did like it. I think it's very judgmental even though it's pretending not to be.

It's funny. Some of you upon hearing that phrase know which sin I am referring to. We aren't talking about selfishness or materialism or pride or hypocrisy. Those are sins we ourselves are full of and they are easier to hide. We are talking about the sin of homosexuality and how loving we as christians are towards them. So loving that we've come up with a phrase that elevates their sin above all others.

I know well intentioned christians who only want to love but aren't sure how to do it. I find myself being too judgmental of christians who use the phrase "love the sinner hate the sin". As I get to know them, I realize that their heart doesn't reflect the judgmentalism of how the phrase sounds. We are just as broken as the rest of the world, trying to love you and each other the best way we know how and alot of times it comes out messed up.

I would prefer to shorten the phrase to "love the sinner." My judging heart cannot keep the "hate the sin" part without feeling judgement toward the sinner. God help me to love the way you love. Amen.

Heaven

2006-02-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

I like this quote

"There are three things that will surprise us when we get to heaven,
First, those who are there
Second, those who are not there
Third, that I am there." - Dr. John Hannah

Trying to connect

2006-01-27T09:45:00.000-08:00

Me: So guesss who I got an email from the other day.
Close Relative: Who?

Me: Kathy Hughes. It's been like 16 years.
Close Relative: Kathy? The nigger lover?

Two tragedies here. One I've been fully aware of since I've been aware of color differences. This close relative thinks that black people aren't as good as whites, even though he/she has "black friends". The other tragedy and the one more on my mind for this post is that I missed a chance to connect. I generally try to avoid the subject with this person because I'm aware of the distance it creates between us. I had forgotten that Kathy had a black boyfriend at one point and I wouldn't have mentioned the email if I remembered that fact.

Me: Well, I'm a nigger lover too.

See, I've been through the years of of asking, lets just call him Joebob, to not use that word. I've explained how we are all equal yet different in interesting and awesome ways. At this point, 15 years later, when the subject comes up, we bypass trying to explain our viewpoints to each other.

Joebob: I just think that whites should be with whites and blacks be with blacks.
Me: But there are so many different colors. Where do you draw the line?
Joebob: I draw the line with blacks.

At no point in the conversation did I think I was enlightening Joebob with the idea that there are so many different shades to us and how if it's ok for me to date an Asian, maybe it's ok for me to date an African American. It makes perfect sense to me and that's why it creates a break in our relationship. We don't understand each other.

I could come up with more arguments and try to convince him to not be racist. Everytime I do that however, I'll be moving further and further away from him. But it doesn't matter right? It's the right thing! Is it? Even if it's never worked before and puts distance between us? That's what I thought too, for a while. I would want opportunities for it to come up so I could show him how right I am. I wished for a black girlfriend just to spite him. I think for now I'll just try to focus on the things we have in common and hope that it helps create a stronger bond which may help us understand each other.

Movie Update

2006-01-16T06:01:00.000-08:00

Grizzly Man A-
Fascinating study of man and bear although the directors' voiceover feels intrusive.

40 year old Virgin A
Funny with heart and a good message.

Wedding Crashers B-
Not as funny as i had hoped. Owen Wilson makes it better then it deserves to be.

King Kong B
Too long and some unneccesary scenes but the stuff between Ann and Kong is beautiful.

Munich C
Interesting story but I never cared about any of the characters.

The Constant Gardener A+
Wonderful. Beautiful unique love story which raises some important issues and questions. Ralph Fiennes can act with every muscle in his face.

Deconstructing Harry B-
Woody always writes some clever scenes and lines but they feel a little sparse here.

The Art of Boasting

2006-01-13T06:26:00.000-08:00

I have trouble with arrogant, proud people. I've always found it to be the most unattractive thing but over the past couple weeks I've come to understand them. Damn it feels good to excel at something.
My cousin Billy thinks I am the best pool player in the tri-state area. A "friend" of our team was talking to Billy and I about the best team we might face in an upcoming tournament. They have the two best players I've seen in this league in 10 years. Kenny Baker and Renny. Like Mufasa, the name "Renny" alone sends shivers up his enemies spines. "ooohhh, Renny". And Kenny Baker is the best player I've ever played. Playing him several times years ago has turned me into the player I am today. He taught me patience and defense and he made me able to see the whole table layout and have a plan. And that was just from losing to him. All this knowledge he bestowed on me culminated in the high point of my career when I beat him in the finals of an All Star Tournament.

Our friend of the team advised us not to waste any of our good players on the deadly combo of Kenny Renny. Billy spoke violently against him and said " If they play Kenny or Renny, there is no way I am not putting George on them to stomp their ass".

Kenny, I'm sorry but I have to do my best to pull a Tommy Gunn(aka Rocky 5) on you. And Renny, Ooh Renny. Your wife beat me that one time but I aint mad. I got nothing but love for you.

Now back to my false humility. I am not the best player in the tri state area. There are players I'll run into tonight at the pool hall who should be on tv. George Ellinger is so good that I stop whatever I'm doing and watch him if he's playing. And Bob Raezer can tell the cueball to do whatever he wants it to do. I wish I had that kind of authority. And I know I'll have my hands full practicing against my teammate Gary tonight. In the end, I hope it all combines to make me a better player and better teacher.

My Bro, Part 1

2006-01-11T19:45:00.000-08:00

Magaret : How is your brother doing?
Me : Fine.
Margaret: Did he threaten your dad?
Me: Probably. Probably several times. And I'm sure my mom too.
Margaret: Does he know some of us want to kick his ass?
Me: Well.....

My brother is in jail. He has another 1.5 years to serve for his 5th DUI. He has problems which go beyond the symptom of alcoholism.

I've never really been that close to my brother. We grew up as normal brothers, fighting all the time. As we were in high school, we both started drinking. He never stopped. We've had moments of caring for each other. Scratch that. We've cared about each other and still do. It's just sometimes there wasn't much evidence of that.

He's been in prison for about 8 months this time. I've decided I wanted to write him letters while he is there. I want to say things to him in those letters that I was never comfortable saying face to face. We've exchanged several letters and I feel like were getting closer. I'm revealing my heart and he is revealing his.

Let me share a section of my last letter from him. This is in response to me telling him about my dog Cooper being fixed:

"Give my best to Cooper. Now that he can't have kids you should have asked the vet to give you his balls so you could bury them in the backyard and grow a tree with a bunch of Coopers falling off of it. You didn't know you could do that did you? That was weird, I know. Sometimes this place gives me crazy thoughts."

Joe has done some bad things, perhaps the largest being disrespecting those who love him. Margaret is my cousin. Unfortunately, she doesn't know him. I'm starting to.

As I get to know my brother and become closer to him, I hope to become a positive influence in his life. I hope to be able to share with him things I've tried to share before but I was in a place where it couldn't be received. I was on the outside, not looking in but looking down. Margaret, I love you. I do. But you don't know my brother and you can't help him from where you're at. Neither can I.

Part 2 will be about what I'm learning concerning what it takes to really care for someone.

DVD Release Date: February 14, 2006

2006-01-06T08:02:00.001-08:00

I won't be lonely this Valentines Day! I want Charles in Charge of me.

Attractive Part 1 - Smile

2005-12-29T13:01:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start a series on what I find attractive. This could be and will be anything from kindness to India, from small groups to big noses.

1. SMILES

"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?" - Joel

I posted this same quote a couple months ago but I didn't write anything about it. I've decided since then that I'm not interested in my blog being cryptic. If you take the time to visit, the least I could do is pour out my heart.

I wrote that quote the day after a pool match where I fancied a girl on the other team. She had a smile that had energy. There was personality behind her smile and a transparency that revealed her heart. This was all after 5 minutes.

Now, imagine all that goodness and energy resulting from a direct encounter with me. The things I say and do create this smile in all of its glory. What is a man to do? Fall in love naturally, for at least the remaining time of the night.

I've always thought of Tom Cruise and Jennifer Love Hewitt as two of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. I didn't know exactly what first attracted me to them but now I realize that a big part of it is their smiles.

And not just their smile but everything their smile affects. Their eyes light up and so does the room.

Over the past couple years I've tried to resist falling for a girl in the first few days(or minutes) of getting to know her. I've resisted it to the point of trying not to let a smile affect me. Now I'm going back to letting it. A smile has life behind it. It can be a glimpse of a life that I might want to get to know better. I think that's the proper perspective for me. Recognizing how great it is but at the same time realizing it's just a crack of something bigger.

Next, stay tuned for my thoughts about big noses.

I'm rich!

2005-12-29T12:37:00.001-08:00

I'm the 396,507,353 richest person on earth!

Discover how rich you are! >>

I am in the top 6.6% of the richest people in the world!

Jesus said it's hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. I wonder if he was talking about me. Judging by the stats, it seems like he is. Jesus says this right after a rich young ruler asks him what must he do to inherit eternal life. Jesus tells him to go and sell his possessions and give to the poor and he will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.

The bible also says that the poor don't have anything and what they do have will be taken away from them. They don't have the means or resources or friends to defend themselves. The very little they have is taken from them. I wonder how much I am indirectly taking from the poor.

I think this is related. There would be no sin in being rich if there were no poor people. Jesus command to the rich ruler is practical not spiritual. You have stuff. Alot of people don't. Give them some of your stuff and you will begin to learn what it means to follow me.

How Rich are you? http://www.globalrichlist.com/

Family Values

2005-12-28T05:27:00.000-08:00

I saw a movie last night with the following messages;

1. Sex before marriage complicates things. It brings an attachment that becomes all the more devastating if you break up.

2. Masturbation as an alternative to sex is selfish.

3. Pornography is destructive and unhealthy

4. Saving yourself for marriage is a precious gift to yourself and your spouse.

That's right, I watched;

The plot of the movie involves Andys coworkers finding out he's still a virgin at the age of 40 and they proceed to try to get him laid. The above messages I got from this movie isn't me trying to look for something beneath all the filth and coming up with a few good messages. This is in your face, preachy even. This movie goes out of its way to say that waiting for marriage to have sex is a great thing and being a virgin is to be treasured. It's beautiful stuff.
And on top of all that, it's hilarious. Teary eyed belly laughs.

Rachel Bare is engaged...

2005-12-20T06:00:00.000-08:00

...and all the single men who know her let out a collective "#%@*#>*@%#"

Congratulations Rachel and Jon. Together may you be God's light shining in the dark places of the world.

The Face of Love

2005-12-16T08:38:00.000-08:00

"I want the last face you see in this world to be the face of love, so you look at me when they do this thing. I'll be the face of love for you."

That is a line from the movie "Dead Man Walking". Sister Helen Prejean says it to Matthew Poncelot on his way to be executed by people who only see him as a monster.

Dead Man Walking is the true story of a nun committed to the soul of a convicted murderer on death row

This line is said just as powerfully in King Kong, although it is not spoken. Ms. Darrow says it to Kong with her eyes and actions.

She is a symbol of beauty against the beast of man. When everyone else runs away from what they don't understand, she runs towards it. Ann is constantly running to Kong. She doesn't spend her time trying to convince her friends or the government that Kong is a good ape. She knows she can't do anything to save him so she tries to ensure that he experiences love and kindness before he meets his fate.

Jesus said the poor will always be with us. What is our role for the suffering and the isolated? How do we rescue those who are being attacked and mistreated? For some, I imagine it's to try to dictate change from the inside: to be a voice of influence in political and social circles. For others, like Ann Darrow, it is to suffer alongside the oppressed. It is to be the face of love in the midst of hate.

Ann is counter-cultural, running towards suffering and danger. She is doing something that would cause others to think is foolish: the firefighters running up a building closer to the flames and destruction, peacemaker teams being the middle man between two warring countries, knowing they may be hated by both sides.

Kong is persecuted and judged and attacked. Man sees something different than what they're comfortable with and react with an instinct which cannot be trusted. If we feel like someone is not on our side, we get defensive. Since a good defense is a good offense, attacking is our reaction to our insecurities.

In the movie Solaris, a team of astronauts start to experience something they do not understand. It doesn't appear to be human so they see it as threatening and want to get rid of it. One of the scientists has this to say:

"We take off into the cosmos, ready for anything - - solitude, hardship, exhaustion, death. We're proud of ourselves. But when you think about it, our enthusiasm's a sham. We don't want other worlds; we want mirrors."

Why is familiarity so comforting and new ideas so scary? Maybe something that appears threatening is actually full of love. How do we get past our preconceived ideas of good and evil? What have we allowed ourselves to be manipulated by?

I think it's ok to react in fear at first. Ms Darrow reacts in fear when Kong kidnaps her. It's how we react to our reactions that can help define who we are. After the initial shock wore off, she was able to look in Kongs eyes and see something that wanted to protect her like a father, someone who would risk his life for hers. She couldn't see that from a distance, running away or shooting guns. She had to be close. If we keep our distance, it's safer. If we don't get to know someone, it's easier to judge who they are based on what we think they should be.

The message of King Kong is especially relevant today in this time of war. We use words like insurgents, serving as a barrier which allows us to justify not caring for another human being. They dig their own grave we say. It's easier to see someone on death row get what they deserve then to wish them life.

The real life Sister Helen from the Dead Man Walking story talks about accompanying a man to execution:

You are in this building in the middle of the night, and all these people are organized to kill this man. And the gospel comes to you as it never has before: Are you for compassion, or are you for violence? Are you for mercy, or are you for vengeance? Are you for love, or are you for hate? Are you for life, or are you for death?" - Sister Helen Prejean

Sometimes thoughtful questions are better than hateful answers. I would hope that I am for life and will leave the question in my head until the right answer comes out of my heart.

george dougherty

fuck cancer

2005-11-30T11:03:00.000-08:00

Praying for my friend last night, that was one of the thoughts going through my mind. When she originally told me she had cancer, my first thought was "what the fuck!". That response was sort of a prayer, a prayer in a sense where I know God hears my thoughts and that was my only thought.
Since then I've had some time to meditate and my foul language has evolved. Cancer is trying to kill two of my dear friends. I have already lost two uncles and one aunt to this disease. Cancer is the biggest enemy in my life right now. I hate what it is trying to do. It thinks it is strong but it is not stronger then my friends. It smells of death but it is not clever. It has been overcome. Jesus' death on the cross gave it the finger.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2005-10-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?" - Joel

Well put

2005-10-19T06:06:00.000-07:00

Damien Rice - O

From Paste Music

Review

Magnificently packaged in a CD-sized hardcover book filled with personal artwork, lyrics, and photos, Damien Rice's debut full-length, O, is nothing less than a work of genius, a perfect cross between Ryan Adams and David Gray and a true contender for one of the best albums of 2003. This Irish singer/songwriter works with impassioned folk songs that move from stripped-down to grandly orchestrated in a heartbeat. The production is reminiscent of Songs of Leonard Cohen -- simple guitars, vocals, and then those swelling strings, all of which sound like they were recorded right in the same room. Rice is master of what critic/ranter Richard Meltzer called "the unknown tongue" -- basically the musical equivalent of the "punctum" in photos, it's that thing that grabs a hold of you, the detail that makes it happen. For example, on "Delicate" the strings lift the spare folk song to the heavens at just the moment that makes the song soar -- Meltzer might call it the "folk tongue" or maybe even the "epic tongue." The magnificent, melancholy, optimistic, longing, almost magical "The Blower's Daughter" comes in immediately as the previous song, "Volcano," ends -- same thing with the song that follows -- which gives the album a broad, operatic quality. The gentle "Cannonball," the bright strumming and surreal feedback on "Amie," the distant piano and oceanic harmonies (not to mention drowning, backwards vocals) on the duet, Cold Water" -- the entire record makes the empty highway less lonely, the sunshine a little warmer, and life a little more poetic. Then there's the actual opera singer doing backup vocal duties on "Eskimo" -- a song of redemption that is Syd Barrett, is Skip Spence, is Grandaddy and is Mercury Rev and everything that implies. What a metaphor for Rice's entire hopelessly beautiful record -- one long angelic hymn for an insane world with the intimacy of a friend playing guitar in your living room and the grandeur of Sigur Rós.

- Charles Spano (All Music Guide)

Silence

2005-10-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

Life can feel hopeless and empty, depressing and lonely. It sometimes feels as if God doesn't exist or if he does exist, that he doesn't care.
I think it's sad that most christian musicians aren't allowed to express such despair. If they start to write something so honest, the christian label will ban it because its not christian enough. Whatever!

Anyway, somehow this song of hopelessness and honesty managed to slip through

SILENCE by Jars of Clay

Take, take till there's nothing, nothing to turn to.
Nothing when you get through.
Won't you break, scatter pieces of all I've been.
Bowing to all I've been running to.

Where are you?
Where are you?

Did you leave me unbreakable?
Leave me frozen?
I've never felt so cold.
I thought you were silent.
And I thought you left me for the wreckage and the waste.
On an empty beach of faith.
Was it true?

Cause I, I got a question, I got a question- Where are you?

Scream, deeper I wanna scream.
I want you to hear me, I want you to find me.
Cause I, I want to believe but all I pray is wrong and all I claim is gone.

And I, I got a question, I got a question- Where are you?

2005-10-05T06:14:00.000-07:00

Trish on the set of Day 8

Pre-stamped envelopes

2005-09-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

Sounds like a wonderful thing doesn't it? You can go to the post office and buy a prestamped envelope. You don't need your own envelopes or book of stamps. Of course, its 45 cents, which means you are paying 8 cents just for one envelope.
This is how my life feels sometimes. The organized person who has it together will have stamps, and envelopes, and will not need this service that the usps provides. Ok, maybe they will once in a while, but not every time they go to the post office, for months.
My next small goal. Buy envelopes and stamps. But thats not enough you see. Then I have to have a convenient place for both where it is handy and doesn't get lost.

I lost my rental card form the videolibrary. I've been using my license to rent movies. I said to the guy the other day -. "Would I be able to get another card, I lost mine?" He said to me. "Well, we operate under the belief that if you lose one you'll lose another. Just keep using your license, buddy.". Ok, he didnt say 'buddy'. But he was right. Sad but true. Sometimes its easier to see how beautiful grace is when you are shown the opposite.
Everyone needs an extra movie rental card, and unlimited numbers of pre-stamped envelopes.

My favorite movies

2005-09-16T07:55:00.000-07:00

This is a list of my top 15 favorite movies. This list changes depending on my mood but this is it for now.

15. Strictly Ballroom

14. Kal Ho Naa Ho

13. Dead Man Walking

12. Donnie Darko

11. The Road Home

10. Northfork

9. Signs

8. Jerry Maguire

7. O Brother Where Art Thou?

6. Magnolia

5. Solaris

4. Breaking the Waves

3. Amelie

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

1. Moulin Rouge

Angel, the vampire slayer

2005-09-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

Angel, the vampire with a soul, is a Christ figure.
In many episodes, he lays down his rights for the benefit of others. The theme of angel and his team is 'we help the helpless".

In one episode, a good friend of his, Darla, was dying of a heart condition. He found a loophole that could save her life. He would have to go thru this trial that consisted of numerous forms of suffering. He gets thru it, with Darla watching, and comes to the end. Jeeves, the Pilate character, then tells him that the final test he needs to pass in the trial is to give his life. Here is a transcprit of what happens.

Jeeves: "You know better than anyone the world can be a very bad place. Take yourself out, put her in - how long will it be before she stumbles, before she falls?"
Angel: "I don't know."
Jeeves: "No - you don't. Are you still ready to give her life when she can promise you - nothing?"
Angel (looks him straight in the eye): "Yes."

When I watch that episode, I'm reminded of Jesus and how he died for me, because of who he is, not because of what I've done or what I can promise Him.

Angel is a show about selflessness, sacrifice, and redemption.
I recommend netflixing it if you're interested. There are 5 seasons.

2005-08-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

hey

Blessed are the poor

2005-08-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

When Jesus says the poor are blessed, I wonder it it's because he also says "I have come to bring good news to the poor...".
I want to become poor so that I can hear the good news.

"There is a noble manner of being poor, and who does not know it will never be rich"
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Movie Watching

2005-08-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

Recent viewings;

March of the Penguins - Excellent documentary emphasizing strong family values. A+

Winged Migration - footage that is so amazing it looks fake. the cameramen flew right along side these birds. Fascinating. A

Hostage - too violent and gets sillier as it goes on but Willis' character is interesting because of how broken he is. Not your typical hero. B-

Downfall - always interesting look inside the bunker of Hitlers last days. B+

Miracles (tv) - some very strong episodes but also some weak ones. a mixed bag. b

The Station Agent - sweet tale of friendship that loses focus once in a while but regains it time and time again. Handful of scenes that are so good that some of the other scenes feel a little empty. b+

Swallow Your Pride - always engaging and hysterical look behind the scenes of the largest competitive eating contest - wingbowl. A+

Batman Begins

2005-06-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

Batman Begins isn’t a bad movie. It’s not a poorly made movie, for the most part. But it’s a maddeningly uneven movie, a movie that should be much better than it is. It’s a movie that, if it had followed the trajectory of the first hour, I would be saying is an Oscar contender. In the end Batman Begins is a movie that tries but ultimately fails.

exactly.

Batman Begins is a movie divided sharply in half. One half is a movie that director Christopher Nolan understands. The other is a movie that he wishes he did, or that he’s trying very hard to understand. The first half of Batman Begins is a drama, a story about a young man who has traveled thousands of miles from his home to find himself and his place. On the other side of the world from his wealthy American home, Bruce Wayne finds the mysterious Ducard, a man who becomes a new father to him. Ducard takes Wayne under his wing and trains him in the ways of the ninja, promising him a way to bring the justice he so badly wants to the world. All of this is intercut with the story of the young Bruce Wayne and the murder of his parents, and it works. It’s easy to forget that it’s the singer, not the song, and in the hands of a storyteller like Nolan the complex and dark story gains new resonance and meaning. He makes it fresh.

exactly again.

Loved the first hour. The second hour just became a boring standard action movie. Youre better then that Batman.

sources: http://chud.com/reviews/3347

Darfur

2005-06-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

I agree with everything Brian Mclaren says here;

It is very fitting that we’re gathered here in front of the Lincoln Memorial for our first service of Worship in the Spirit of Justice. Abraham Lincoln was a great leader who cared about a great injustice in his day, and we are here to urge our leaders to care about a great injustice in our day.

If you ascend the steps behind you and enter the memorial and look to your right, you can read the words to Lincoln’s 2nd inaugural address. It was March 4, 1865. It had been raining for weeks. Pennsylvania Ave was a mess of mud. The mall that stretches green before us today was a sea of brown mud that day. We may complain about the heat today, but imagine the crowd gathered to hear Lincoln speak that March day, cold and damp, ankle deep in mud. The end of the Civil War was in sight, everyone knew. But nobody knew that Lincoln himself would be dead in just over a month. It was in many ways a horrid time, as the full cost of the Civil War was being felt, and as the arduous task of reconciling a divided nation faced both North and South. In times like those, leaders simply needed to tell the truth about what was going on, about what had brought them to that point, and about what lay ahead. For as Desmond Tutu and people of South Africa have shown us in more recent history, there can be no reconciliation without telling the truth. And so, standing there that muddy March day, Lincoln tried to tell the truth. He said,

One-eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was somehow the cause of the war.

Lincoln told the truth, that one of the most significant causes of the Civil War was the color of skin. Racism was at the heart of the problem, and Lincoln named it; Lincoln told the truth. What was true in 1865 is also true today in Darfur. Many of you will remember that moment in the movie Hotel Rwanda, when a character says that if the atrocities happening in Africa were happening among white-skinned people, the world would intervene. But racism makes them act as if people of some skin tones are worth less than others … and we must tell the truth about the racism that lets these atrocities continue.

I am white. I am a Christian. The people of Darfur are black. Most are Moslem. But because of my Christian faith, I believe we are human beings, sons and daughters of the living God, whatever our color of skin, whatever our religion … All are precious to God. My mother taught me a little song as a child: “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight! Jesus loves the little children of the world!” I believed my mother, and I still do … Racism is wrong. It must be named. It must be confronted. And just as Lincoln named it that cold March day, so must we on this hot June day.

But it wasn’t just racism that fueled the Civil War. It was also greed. Lincoln spoke of slavery as a “peculiar and powerful interest.” Greed is a peculiar and powerful self-interest that tempts people to do horrible things – things like genocide, slavery, exclusion, injustice. Closer to home, greed keeps us from caring. Let’s be honest: the fact that 180,000 to 300,000 people have died in Darfur is largely about our love of money here. It costs money to help. Right now, there are 2400 African Union peacekeepers patrolling an area the size of California. Why are there so few? Because we love money too much. Everyone knows the number of peacekeepers needs to be increased – to 7,000, maybe 12,000 or 15000 at a bare minimum. What’s the problem? Money. It costs money to send and sustain peacekeepers, and we haven’t had the compassion or courage to overcome greed and do what needs to be done to save lives in Darfur. We need to realize that budgets are moral documents. It’s easy to talk about faith and values and faith-based initiatives. But we need to put our money where our faith and values are. Budgets speak louder than words about what our true values are. We are here to persuade our government, and the American people, that saving lives in Africa is a moral way to spend money and design budgets.

But it’s not just the government that needs to work against greed: it’s also the news media. Why are there 20 hours of Michael Jackson coverage each week? The answer is simple: ratings, and dollars. Why is the suffering in Africa receiving little to no news coverage on TV, radio, and print news media? Because the Michael Jackson trial or whatever the hot infotainment item du jour might be raises more ratings and advertising money than the truth of what’s happening in Africa. We are calling the news media to wake up and realize the truth about themselves: what news directors decide to air is a moral decision. They budget time to increase money. So, if we want to focus on Michael Jackson … and forget about Darfur … the TV, radio, and print news media will be glad to aid and abet our denial, and in this way to reinforce it. We’re here to call the news media to face the moral reality of their decisions of what to air and what to ignore. We’re here to say we want journalists to courageously tell the truth about what’s going on in Africa.

But let’s bring it closer to home: in the coming weeks, months, years, the humanitarian effort must grow in Darfur and all of Africa. The problems there won’t be solved easily. Each of us will have to confront our own greed as we make decisions about giving money to help people of Darfur survive and rebuild lives. Some of us will give money – others of us may even go over there, to be with the people, to help and serve – and in so doing, we will show ourselves to be followers of Jesus, who taught us that receiving, having, saving, owning, acquiring and accumulating might be good things … but that giving is even better, even more blessed.

When President Lincoln delivered his speech in 1865, our nation was bitterly divided. The North and South had amassed armies to kill one another with unprecedented bloodshed. Lincoln noted the strangeness or irony of the situation.

Both read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other.

Today, our nation is divided. We are red and blue, liberal and conservative, Republican and Democrat. The winners want to take all. And the losers hope to do the same if they ever become winners. Our division is distracting us. Our polarization is preoccupying us. Our polarizing preoccupation is paralyzing us. Eleven years ago, our country resisted helping in Rwanda, and 800,000 died in 100 days in the most efficient orgy of killing in human history. In recent years, uncounted people have died in Eastern Congo, and hardly anyone notices. And in the last three years, 180-300,000 have died in Darfur, with 2 million displaced and uncounted girls and women raped … and we’re still squabbling over trivialities. We fight about whether the ten commandments should be displayed in front of buildings, but we fail to live out the ten commandments in relation to our suffering neighbors. We’re here today, and we will gather for the coming five Sundays, to say that this division and paralysis are unacceptable to us. We are tired of being divided over trivialities: we believe it is time to come together over an emergency.

In his second inaugural address, Lincoln noticed an even deeper irony:
It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces…

This of us, here today … do you feel the irony of singing “God Bless America” when America hasn’t roused itself to care for those most in need? Do you feel the irony of daring to ask a just God to bless us when we are heedless to cry of our neighbors? Think about it: God – bless us! We’re already the most powerful, affluent, secure, weapon-rich, nuclear-armed, self-centered, wasteful, and materialistic country in the history of the world … but please bless us more! Bless us more!

How different it would be if we knew what Lincoln knew: the God who is real … not the fictive God of an American civil religion, not the folk deity of Republicans or Democrats … but the living God is a just God, and from the time of Abraham in Genesis 12 to the time of Abraham Lincoln in 1865, we have known that this God does not bless one nation to the exclusion of other nations: God blesses some so they can be a blessing to all. God does not play favorites. God does not take pleasure in blessing the careless and selfish. God favors the least, and God will gladly bless America if we stop seeking to be blessed and instead seek to be a blessing, for we have been given much, and of those who have been given much, much is expected.

There’s a lot of theology in Lincoln’s short speech – deep and provocative theology, not just sound-byte religious talk to warm the faithful with a semantic massage. Listen to a few more lines:

Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said "the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether."

We need to care for Darfur for Darfur’s sake. But so much is at stake in our own souls at this moment. Perhaps it is only in the healing of others that we will ourselves be healed. Perhaps the soul of America hangs in the balance at this moment. Perhaps the way we respond to the emergency in Darfur and in all of Africa will determine our future more than any other thing we do. We must remember the words of Jesus: if you save your life you will lose it, but if you lose your life for my sake, you will find it. Let’s apply that to ourselves: What if we go to war after war, what if we invest more and more in our own security, what if we go deeper and deeper into debt, what if we buy more, sell more, save more, to preserve our own life and way of living … but what if in the process we ignore our neighbors who are suffering and dying? What if we gain the whole world and lose our own national soul? How would a just God, an Almighty God, an engaged God, a living God … respond to us? How can we sing “God bless America” if we do not show greater concern for those in need? What God could we possibly be talking about?

Lincoln’s greatness was rooted in his refusal to be in denial about injustice. But it was also in his commitment to hope, and his hope for reconciliation. You remember the beautiful cadences of how his speech ended:

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Lincoln was focused on the need to heal divisive wounds, on caring for the widow and orphan, and to working toward a “just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

This is our desire and our hope. We have hope that the wounds of Darfur can be healed? In the process, we hope we can be healed as well … that our divided nation can be united, not by a winner-take-all political contest, but by a return to our moral center, a return to compassion and justice, a return to the deepest roots of our common faith in a God of justice and mercy … the same God who heard the groans and cries of the Jewish people when they were slaves in Egypt, the same God who heard the groans and cries of African slaves here in the United States, the same God who hears the groans and cries of frightened mothers and grandfathers and children in Darfur.

So, this is a good place to begin our five weeks … here on these steps, remembering Abraham Lincoln, and of course … we can’t be here without also remembering Dr. King. Standing here today, we can still hear the echoes of his dream, and our faith dares to dream that in Darfur, the genocide will stop. The rape and murder will stop. The bulldozing of villages will stop. Herding people into refugee camps will stop. Raids by Janjaweed militia will stop. The government of Sudan will stop defending itself for the indefensible. Our government will stop doing less than the minimum – and will instead begin doing whatever is necessary. We can dream that in the coming weeks, Congress will act … Our President will act… the Media will act … and the world will act.

So, it begins here. For five weeks we will gather to worship in the Spirit of justice.

Go home and tell your friends, your fellow church members, your colleagues and neighbors – Tell them you have to come back next week, and you don’t want them to miss it. You have to be part of this. You have to do the right thing. You can’t let this be another Rwanda.

Get on the internet. Spread the word! Other cities around the nation and the world are preparing to follow our example, to gather for worship in the Spirit of justice.

Wherever you can, start a conversation. Ask a question … do you think Liberals … conservatives can come together to help our neighbors in Africa? Are we more concerned about the color of our state, or the state of our soul? Can we get beyond seeing Democrats … Republicans, liberals and conservatives – Can we begin seeing ourselves and one another as human beings, made in the image of God, who have a duty to our neighbor?

I am a follower of Jesus. I am not here as a Republican or Democrat. I am here as a human being, and a follower of Jesus. Since my teenage years, I have sought to live by these words from the lips of Jesus: Seek first the kingdom of God and seek first the justice of God, and everything you need will be provided. Let us seek God’s kingdom and justice together.

Multi-Layered

2005-06-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

I recently watched the movie Primer. I think its safe to say that its impossible to understand it fully upon your first meeting with it.
These are my favorite kind of movies and my favorite kind of people.
Who wants to see a movie that tells you simply everything it is the first time you watch it? And who wants to get to know someone who you feel like you already know after one meeting?

I think people are like Primer. You cant know them just on one meeting. How many times have I made a judgment about someone after my first couple impressions of them, only to have that thwarted as I get to know them deeper?
We are complexly made. How can I be so arrogant as to assume I know who you are after such a short time?

The movie Crash does a great job of revealing depth and complexity in humanity. It sets you up to judge someone because of how evil they are, then changes your mind by having them act out of love. It shows we all have good, and evil in us.

I will withhold judgment, and I will assume I can never fully know the level of good someone is capable of.

Image of God

2005-04-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

Guriya and Gulshan and Becca. We met G and G in the slums of East Delhi. I've never encountered something that reminded me so much of God. We didn't speak the same language but we were made by the same God.

Heroes

2005-04-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

Heroes are people who go against what everyone else is doing when neccesary. It's not just about doing the right thing. It's about doing the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong thing. It takes courage because in the end it becomes something that is detrimental to your own personal being. You are not thinking of yourself but only of others.
I've seen this in two movies recently. Hotel Rwanda and Romero.
Paul in Hotel Rwanda sees the value of every human being. He doesn't see anyone as better then another, even when it comes to his own family. He sees people as God sees them.

Archbishop Romero was put into a situation because he was thought to be the one who wouldn't make any waves. Injustice was all around him and it was happening to his people. He could not keep silent, even as he knew it would cost him his life. He valued others above himself to the point where doing the right thing became more important then his own safety
I'll be watching Ghandi this weekend. I wonder how many lives of heroes you can watch before you start to become one. Maybe we'll see.

Peace of Quiet

2005-04-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

I am talking about comfortable silences, and what makes them so comfortable. Silence is usually accompanied by an uneasy pressure to break the silence. Two or more people cannot sit in silence because it is felt and perceived to be awkward and/or boring. I think it is only that way because it is so unnatural to us. Our culture's pace is so rapid and constantly changing, that any kind of quiet unchanging thing happening must mean something is wrong, or wrong with me.

Think about this the next time you're with someone, eating dinner. When a minute goes by without talking, the pressure intensifies and you hope you or she thinks of something to say. God forbid she think you're boring. The quiet can become so stressful.

This leads to my next point. It is also believed that shy people, quiet people are the most insecure. I think it's quite the opposite. The ones talking all the time are constantly scared, trying to fill the moment, and change what you think of them. With each word, they are saying 'no think this about me, no wait this, now this'. It's ok just to be. You were made in the image of God.You don't need to make yourself into anything with your many words.

Silences are natural, and should be comfortable. But they can only become comfortable when there is nothing expected of you, no pressure. Then it becomes so peaceful and relaxing just to be quiet.

Shhhhh.....

My first blog

2005-04-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

Starting late in the game, blogging makes me wonder why blog?

I think people like to be heard, even if they are quiet. They like confirmation that they exist. So, many times writing about nothing becomes important, it becomes something because someone else acknowledges you exist. In a world where truth is so hard to confirm, it's comforting to confirm the truth of your existence.
So I have entered the world of blogs, existing for you, and therefore for me.